so tired of everything....

another paper today and yes, its another bad paper. this sem hasn't been really good. been trying to study so hard but yet doing badly for my papers. I thought i was fine with it but i just realise i am not. called cindy and kaopei a bit and suddenly a gush of sadness just got into me. perhaps its a close friend that i am talking to and getting to complain things out. Kaopei-ing to people and close friends are so different. Close friends' voices are ever so comforting. The only two friends i would confide in cos of their ever comforting voices are eugene and cindy. Its just so comforting to hear their voices when i am down. With eugene not in ntu and cindy going home, i suddenly feel so lonely and with so many setbacks in my paper, i just broke down totally. I dunno whats the reason behing it also, perhaps i was stressed? perhaps there was too many setbacks?

Suddenly i miss their comforting voices yet i dun wanna call and affect them. Feel like calling my mum and yet i dun wanna to add on to her worries. As much as i want independence, sometimes i just wanna be a young kid hiding in my mum's ever comforting shelter. Perhaps it just make me feel the love and care that i have from my mum. I suddenly miss my mum a lot. At this very moment i just feel like hiding in her warm, comforting shelter...... with her protecting me from everything......

A stressful life...

Life is really tough during exams period and leading such a sad life... today just had a paper which i only attempted like 30 plus marks only?! Yes, its that bad. Hate the feeling of studying everyday for the exams and yet coming out of the exam hall not knowing if i pass a not... its not a good feeling... i cannot imagine how am like going to pull through the next few years... struggling with every exams... sick with studying.... if only time can stop and give me a break here....

anyway thanks to the people that help me celebrate my birthday... thanks for the present... thanks to these people which i call my friends that has been around me pushing me the extra mile during the exams... Thank you for so much and so much! I am touched... oh ya... and thanks for cleaning my puke for me... haha... anyway i hold the timing for downing a bottle of red wine in 42 secs and the next birthday boy/gal get ready... u are suppose to drink below 42 secs.. haha...

when birthday and a paper meets....

Yes, it happens again... my birthday and a exam paper right smack at each other. This time a maths paper... it was not a tough paper... but just couldn't finish it... all the integration almost drove me nuts... anyway thanks to everyone who send their birthday wishes... thanks alot!! Yup. she called. Glad to know she is fine and nice to hear her voice again... i remembered my last year birthday... a great surprise and perhaps one of my best birthday during that time... its a great memory... hope gives u so much and take so much away from you...

anyway just wanted a quiet birthday... just want to keep it low... dunno why.. perhaps it becasue of all those that happens... anyway a special mention of a friend here... dearest cindy.... a great friend of mine for like 7 yrs? or was it 8? nvm... she made me a card, a card that touches my heart and made me teared... this card means a lot to me... she help me a lot during those tough times... and i know she will be there whenever i need friend by my side...

Got to mug more for my next paper liao... good luck for those having exams! all the best!!!!!!!!

the battle begins...

The battle has begun with the first paper the friday that just passed... this was supposed to be the paper i am confident in but it ended up quite bad... lots of concept confusing me... dun even know if i could pass... hopefully i can pass it and get over and done with it! Been mugging daily at the grauate lounge and going hyper with crazy acts and stupid moves. Perhaps i am sad... the graduate lounge... kept having memories flashing in my mind.... nice and beautiful memories i had but wished to forget... being hyper keep all those sadness away from me... kept me from thinking too much whenever my mind drifts off... sorry to those who had to endure all these... haha. sorry for bring weak... if only our brain works like the computer where we can stored memories and info and we can delete whenever shit that we dun want....

Can guys cry? i am a emotional person... crying is just another emotions of humans... it certainly make one feel better to cry out... at least it works for me... sometimes i would just take a step back and look at myself... start thinking of all the stuffs... my dad.. my life... and i start tearing... it make me feel better... but it make me feel so weak... i hate feeling weak... perhaps i am weak... i want to be strong... but how? perhaps someday i will be... at least i will be trying...

been a tiring week... it time for sleep and prepare for another day of mugging... its a sad life in this fast pace world where even the walking paces of people is so fast.... nights people...